Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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