She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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