Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
