i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Randomize
