Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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