the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
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They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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