The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Randomize
