Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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