I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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