I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
