Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
You left your phone here
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