Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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