You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
