the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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