he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
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obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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