just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
