Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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