best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
do nipples grow back?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
