9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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