you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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