Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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