i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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