i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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