Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
