I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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