my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The beer is more important than you right now.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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