end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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