you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
