I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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