i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
