Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
