And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
