Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
They took my balls.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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