Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
