she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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