I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
