I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
When did angry sex become our thing?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize