someone owes me an orgasm
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
