I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
