she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
