i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
