As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Two words: blizzard sex
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
