Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
