dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
PANTIES FOUND
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