I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
