Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Ladies don't puke and tell
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
