You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
A bitchslap is in order.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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