Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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