You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
