I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
