and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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