YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I haven't been this sober since birth.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
