I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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