I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
