im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I want a musical about memes.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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