I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Still dying that you shit outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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