dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
