I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
