Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
