Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
