me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
