so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
