I have demons in me.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
