mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
