i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
