I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
