Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
