Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
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I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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