Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
