He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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