his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
