cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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