i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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