4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
