Did you just see the Batmobile???
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
