I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
mondays should just be called national damage control day
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
