I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
