I could make wine with my vomit
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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