hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
