I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
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