so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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