I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
