from now on my penis is your penis
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
